There are times that others ask things of us and we do not want to do them but do it anyway. When we say yes to something but feel that we should have said no, it affects our state of happiness. Learning to say no to those people who ask things of you that you really don't wish to accommodate is a very important step to being happy.

This is not an easy thing to do, especially if we are accustomed to always going against our own feelings to please others. It's up to us to stop doing this. No one else can say "No" to something that we don't want to do but us. This is something that no one else can really do for us if we want to truly feel like we are in control of our lives. It gets to the point where people ask you to do something because they know even if it goes against your grain you will say yes. They have learned that you say "yes" no matter what you truly feel so they ask you time and again. They know if you say no you will go through a guilt trip and that's what they count on. In this case they know how to turn on your yes button. When we say yes when we mean no then we are allowing ourselves to be manipulated by guilt and it's time to stop that pattern of behavior.  You have to learn to be true to yourself and say no.

It's really hard to say no if we care about the person. Well guess what; they know that and use it against you. That's why they ask you because they are counting on that fact. Learning to say no takes practice but it can be learned and once you start to do it you will feel empowered which is a key to happiness.

For those people who have trouble saying no there is a little exercise you can use to get you on your way. Here goes the exercise.

To learn to say "No" the first thing you need to do is write a list of all the things you consider a priority to you. These are things that you say "Yes" to yourself to do. This list can include things you feel you have to do on a daily basis. Next step in this exercise is for the next twenty four hours. From that list until 24 hours later; if anyone asks you anything that is not on that yes list you say "No" to them.  This will illustrate how many times you say yes to people in a course of a day when you should be doing things on "your list" of priorities.  If the request the person asks is not on your list of "Yes" for you then saying "Yes" to them is taking you off course and away from what you should be doing. This little task teaches you how to stay focused on your needs without getting side tracked by guilt baggage that saying "No" can bring. Hopefully this little exercise will show you that you always put your happiness on the back burner in order to do what others want. Maybe the list will show you that you need to do you first and then others.

Peace is one way to help us create happiness in our lives. It safe to say that today's society does not promote being peaceful as a lifestyle. As soon as we start our day we face pressure and tension one way or another. This constant bombardment to our psyche robs us of being at peace with ourselves and the world.

When you look up the word peace in the dictionary you will find it to be defined as a state of quiet and calm, freedom from disturbing thoughts, and an agreement to end hostilities. So, if this is the definition of peace how often do we really have it? It would be logical to presume in order to have peace externally we have to be at peace internally. Many times we have emotions and feelings pent up from events and situations that prevent us from feeling a peaceful state. One would have to think that if one is not at peace with themselves or the world they cannot feel happy. It's very healthy to be able to release the emotions that prevent us from finding peace in a constructive and even healing manner. Here are a couple of steps you can try to help release your tensions and emotions that may block peace from entering you life personally.

1.   The first thing is you need to do is listen to yourself. In order to do this you have to get in touch with your feelings. Most of the time we fly off the handle and go ballistic because we don't acknowledge consciously our anger, rage and resentment. When you can recognize that you harbor these three things and say it out loud "Yes I am furious because of" (whatever it is) you are beginning to release these feelings. Suppressed anger is consuming and even dangerous once it is released because you are like a time bomb waiting to explode.

2.   Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings- Its okay for you to say "Yes I am angry; and I am responsible for my feelings now not you". When you start to take responsibility for your feelings even when they are negative, you are de-powering the source that made you feel that way. For instance you can say "I am not going to put up with the way you talk to me, I don't like it" as opposed to "You are making me angry". When you start to change your thinking to include the idea that no one can make you do anything against your will then you are taking control of your feelings. This is not an easy step and takes practice. Changing your mindset and taking charge of your feelings takes you from being a victim to being someone who takes control of how they want to be treated.

3.   Let go of the past- You cannot change the painful things that cause you anger from your past. You can however change the direction you decide your life is going from this moment on and how. Once you accept yourself and those things you cannot change let them go instead. When you rid yourself of things your emotions hold on to that you cannot change from the past you become stagnated. Until you let go of the past you cannot move whole heartedly into a new future.

Lastly, when you accept who you are flaws, weaknesses and all don't forget the good things you have going for you. When you can start to accept yourself as a complete person then you will start to find peace. No one is perfect. When you begin to feel grateful for who you are and what you do have in your life peace will start to reign in your life instead of anger.

So you and your partner are having an argument. Fighting is healthy if it's done constructively. No relationship is perfect. It's natural for people to disagree and fight. Even before you fight it's good to say to each other for your relationship in general we agree that we can disagree. You have to accept each other's right to their own opinion. The only exception to this is if someone is trying to come in between you two. In that case in relationship to that person who is the problem you need to present yourself to that person as a united front.

You both have to respect each other even if you are disagreeing or arguing. Remember that this is the person you love even if you are angry with them at that moment.  The first rule of fighting is to keep to the issue at hand. Do not bring up things that are not relevant to that particular dispute. For example if you are angry because your husband always leaves dirty dishes around than that's the issue to address not that he was out late the night before. That argument should have been settled already. When you keep bringing up the same argument over and over it means that the issue was never resolved to begin with. Resolve that issue once and for all let the guilty party say they are sorry and move on. If you continue to bring the same things up you will never move on from that issue. Also realize that neither your partner nor you can change the past but can change the course of the future.

Keep in mind when you are fuming at your partner they are not your enemy. You may not like them at the moment or their behavior but you love them anyway. It's hard, but in order to fight fair it's important to try and not attack your partner verbally. Instead of saying "You did this or you did that" it's more effective to say "I am angry because of" or "I am hurt because". In this way you are not attacking them personally you are addressing the issue that is creating the anger or hurt you feel. Start with yourself first and how the situation feels when you are addressing your partner about the situation at hand. Believe or not this takes the person from the defensive mode to listening to your grievance.

It's very important to feel comfortable enough with someone who you are sharing your life with to speak up when something is bothering you. Actually holding back feelings creates more anger and resentment as opposed to expressing them as they occur. Its better to nip an issue in the butt before it becomes a real problem that is beyond resolving. After you fight agree to kiss and make up. This is your loved one hopefully for life so even if you fight the love should win in the end.

Our bodies produce a chemical called Serotonin. It is a brain chemical that is a neurotransmitter or hormone that carries messages to the nerve cells. The substance in the brain that produces this neurotransmitter is an amino acid called tryptophan. It is Serotonin that helps us maintain a happy feeling. It also helps to control our moods by helping us with our anxiety, depression and even helping us to sleep.

It has been found that certain foods have specific proteins to help the body convert the protein into serotonin. Such foods include bananas and turkey. It is interesting because poor diets actually help promote depression. This is due to the fact that a non balanced diet does not help produce the serotonin we need to be happy. It is also found that serotonin helps with creating hunger and appetite in our bodies. An important factor is when we eat carbohydrates it releases the chemical serotonin from our brains. This is interesting because when people are depressed they like to eat sweet things to make them feel better. The biochemical explanation for this is by eating these things serotonin is produced in the brain and the person feels better as a result. When the brain produces serotonin the mood of sadness or stress is reduced as the chemical is increased in our blood. It is also noted that eating complex carbohydrates produces tryptophan in the body. This chemical has a calming effect. Ever notice that people go to sleep after eating a big Thanksgiving meal. There is a lot of tryptophan in Turkey.

When one eats a balance of protein and complex carbohydrates in their diets they tend to feel better than those that don't. This fact is because this type of diet produces both serotonin and tryptophan in the body. An ideal example of eating something with both protein complex carbohydrates would be a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread.

Serotonin levels are also maintained in our systems when we do certain things we find pleasurable on a regular basis. Many times people don't take the time to do just little things to make them feel good and this effects their serotonin levels as well. Simple things like pleasant surroundings, music we love and good food all help in keeping serotonin levels elevated. When we spend time with loved ones our serotonin levels stays elevated as well. That's why love is important for our state of well being in terms of happiness.  It's the littlest things that make the difference with our serotonin levels on a regular basis.  Something so easy as getting out of bed in the morning and into a warm shower actually has been shown to increase serotonin levels. It is things like this along with diet that put us in a positive frame of mind to face a day and make us feel happier than if we don't do the little extras to keep us happy.

When our serotonin levels are low we feel sad and depressed.  Medical reasons or clinical depression due to hormonal or chemical imbalances in the body are the exception to doing little things to elevate our serotonin levels. In these cases medical intervention is required. Medication and sometimes therapy is required to elevate the serotonin deficiency.  Eating right and trying to incorporate things to brighten our day should natural boost our serotonin if we do not have medical reasons for low serotonin levels. If not, there are medications to help with depression and balance the serotonin levels if you can't seem to do it with diet and incorporating a  few positive moments in your day.

In order to have peace in our lives we have to live by peaceful ways. Here are some rules to finding peace that I think are great. When we embrace peace as a way of life we can incorporate into our beings as well. Unfortunately it is hard to truly find peace in a society like ours that does not promote peace by any means. So here goes:

Rules of Peace

1.   The first rule of peace is to understand that most people do not care or want to live in peace. If our governments and the societies we live in don't conduct peace how can we in our own lives. Our government claims that their techniques are promoting peace. If we look around at our lives and see how hard it is to live day to day then we know that is a falsity.

The next part of this rule is to take responsibility for yourself. You have to be honest and ask yourself does your behavior in the world and within yourself truly promote peace. In actuality your behavior may be promoting hostility, anger and resentment which are all catalysts to start war. If you want peace you have to promote it and it starts with a peaceful attitude.

2.   Know that if you do not promote peace and have an antagonistic nature you may be the one that is starting the turmoil. There is no peace for those that start wars. A war can be as simple as to constantly bully someone verbally who you perceive is weaker than you are. What's more important if you stand by and do nothing when a bully or offender against the innocent are being attacked then you are just as bad as the one doing the bullying. If you go along with someone who is just wrong for their actions then you are condoning their behavior and in turn promoting war. Usually peace is won between two parties when both of the sides feel their grievances are met. If you are a victim of an aggressor in your life or the aggressor is constantly attacking someone you know then you need to sit down with this person and lay out the facts. When you sit down with them tell them their behavior is creating hostility and they will have an unnecessary war on their hands if they don't stop. You prefer peace and don't like their behavior towards you what so ever. If they continue then you tell them to move on permanently with others who share their non peaceful mentality. Keep in mind some people are just evil and you cannot change them. Also don't lose sight that liars do not promote peace they pretend to. In this case like a work situation, you will only interact with them when absolutely necessary. Otherwise they should be totally removed from your life. You should not deal or interact with this type of person at all. Of course if you are physically threatened and have to defend your body, then do so. Also make sure there are witnesses to verify the fact that you did not instigate the situation. You were defending your life.

3.   There is no compromising between intentions that are good or intentions that are bad. If you give into someone who is bullying you, you will never have peace. In this case you have to fight for your peace at all costs. The underdog always has to fight for what is right even if its passive aggression.

Finally do not deal with any one that goes against your grain. You will never find peace that way. It will always be a source of tension. In order to have peace you have to remove all that is disturbing from your life. This includes disruptive people and situations. Finding peace in today's world is not easy. It takes work until your state of peace is found. You have to really dig deep within yourself to find that place and keep it all the time. That's the only way to truly have peace in this world today.

Money can buy the sexual act but it cannot buy love or happiness. In one study conducted which used a random sampling of 1600 Americans there was a strong relation between happiness and sex. The same study also indicated that one's economic status did not determine a person having more sex or partners if one had more money. The study concluded that the typical American had sexual relations as in intercourse 2 to 3 times a month. It also showed that married couples that are monogamous have more sex than single people. 

Another study was conducted by two economists David G. Blanchflower and Andrew J. Oswald of the National Bureau of Economic Research and printed in paper #10499 issued in May 2004. Their findings included a correlation between education, economical earnings and sex. First and foremost they found that those with higher education were happier with having sex in general. They also concluded that people were happiest with just one partner on a steady basis. An interesting find in this study was that those that increased their sexual activity from once a month to once a week raised their happiness levels to the economic equivalent of getting a $50,000 dollar year raise.

These finding do not mean that one does not like money in their lives to help them live better and easier. Better and easier always is good. What is saying that people are happier with a good sexual relationship with one person over money. Another interesting find with this study was that having more money did not necessarily mean one was having more sex either. What the study did find was that people with higher education do tend to make more money and those with more money and education seemed to be made happier by sex.

The studied also concluded that those happiest and getting the most sex were those who were in long term monogamous marriages. Those married couples are getting sex 30 percent more than the average single person. In terms of dollars; a happy lasting marriage generates about $100,000 dollars worth of happiness a year. They also found that those couples that divorced had a decrease in happiness equivalent monetarily to $66,000 dollars less in happiness.

The other aspect to the sexual equation and being happy was having a loving relationship that included frequent touching in addition to sex. It was found that people who have sex without an emotional connection many times feel worse than before the encounter. They tend to suffer from feeling bad, depression and emptiness after meaningless sex. Touch also plays a very important part in the happiness aspect. People need a minimum of 4 hugs a day to thrive and be happy. Old people and babies who don't have people that touch them die quicker than those that do. So in conclusion having a loving sexual relationship will make you happier than money alone. And the touch of a human is priceless

There are some things that we can do to help make us happy. Happiness for the most part is a state of mind that our bodies reinforce. When we are happy our bodies produce biochemicals to help us maintain our happy mood. There are general things that regardless of where we live in the world we all recognize as components of happiness. How we promote our personal happiness is subjective based on what we personally feel happiness is to us.

Besides our personality factors; studies have shown that the aspects that we can control in our lives to be happy play about 10 to 15 percent of the happiness equation. Things that go into this percentage category include; economics, education and looks among other things. These things we do have some kind of control over even if it's just marginal. And when we reinforce these things positively in ourselves they increase our sense of happiness.

In terms of economics, it is apparent that those with money in general are happier that those that are poor. It's a no brainer to know that when you have ample funds you have more free time to enjoy your spare time. When you have money you can pay for things to enhance your happiness as well as activities that make you happy. People with money don't have to worry about a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs and their families, nor things like warm clothes in the winter. Poverty is not a happy state to be in especially in a country where everything is based on a dollar value.  With that being said, there are those with money who still are not happy. They need drugs and alcohol to stimulate a happy mood. Money still does not buy real love or real friends.

Worldwide the things people find as a source of happiness are love, sex and doing activities like listening to their favorite music. These things have nothing to do with finances. It is also found that doing "happy" activities like watching a comedy or a funny activity makes one happy for that time. Funny shows and activities; these types of things don't create a lasting happiness.

It is suggested to create that 10 to 15 percent people need to keep themselves happy. Things one can do for that percentage is developing good social skills, getting married or living together with their significant other and having a life that is meaningful and purposeful to them. When you have good social skills you can make and keep friends. Research shows that those that are married or in a loving committed living together situation have 30% more quality sex that is enjoyed than their single counterparts. When we have a life that we feel is meaningful and has a purpose to us it makes us feel good. When we have a meaningful life we feel good about ourselves and that makes us feel that people feel good about what we are doing as well. Finally regardless of our circumstances if we can have some kind of positivity to draw from to keep us going daily we can create even a little happiness which can help go a long way.

There are two basic notions about where happiness stems from. One idea is that happiness comes from things outside of us. In this case happiness comes from external sources like prosperity. These people do not view happiness as an emotion that emanates from within us. The other premise is that happiness starts with us on the inside. How we feel and view our lives is what promotes the beginning of our happiness. It is felt with this idea that if you are not happy inside within yourself first how you can be happy with anything else.

We find that some religious and philosophical thinkers view happiness as a state of being resulting from having what is considered a "good life". It's safe to say what one thinks is a good life is what is the essence of happiness. People who view happiness this way tend to see happiness as a state in which we experience things in abundance and doing well. Other religious and philosophical thinkers however do feel that happiness stems from an internal state of being.  They feel that without it coming from our psyches first; happiness cannot manifest for us in the world.

Now psychologists theorize that happiness is based on one's state of mind. If one's mind is positive and we function as such we tend to have happiness in our lives. They also believe that if we are negative in mindset and don't function at our best we will not happy in our lives. Science also believes that happiness manifests because our biological reactions chemically in the body induce the state of happiness.

It is hard to pinpoint exact causes of happiness because happiness is relative to each person. Happiness is based on their perception of what happiness is and means to them personally. What there is a consensus about is the fact that regardless of where one is in the world; there are some general characteristics of happiness that are universal in nature. It seems that regardless of where a person lives in the world everyone agrees that being happy is based on positive emotions. Those emotions spread from the person into their life based on the person's cultural and social definition of happiness. The three characteristics that everyone universally agrees is a factor of happiness without dispute is pleasure, engagement and having a life that is considered purposeful.

What this means is that regardless of what the pleasure is as defined socially and culturally by a person everyone wants some form pleasure to be happy. In terms of engagement humans by nature are social creatures and need other human contact and relationships to thrive. People also have to feel their life is worth something and that their life is meaningful by standards of their society to make them feel worthwhile. Without these three ingredients it's hard for a person to have happiness.

When we think of "happiness" it conjures up different ideas our minds and feelings as well. For some people it means one thing and to others something else. Happiness is a personal thing to each person and what they define it to be according to their lives. What you may perceive to be as happiness may actually be disturbing and a source of unhappiness to another.

Basically how one views happiness is based one's life, values and lifestyle. Our perception of happiness for others may not be how they perceive it for themselves. If you believe going to parties makes you happy it may do so for you but not necessarily your friend. Your friend may actually prefer to stay home and watch movies for happiness. No one can dictate to another what they should do for their happiness. The exception would be a person who derives their happiness from physically or emotionally harming other people that don't want to be hurt. No one has the right to harm another for happiness when the other does not consent to it. And if the person consents out of fear then that's not free will either. That is self preservation. Even self destructive people under the guise of happiness who only harm themselves have a problem that needs to be addressed by a professional.

By definition happiness is defined as a state of mind and being. This state includes feelings of being content, love, satisfaction, joy and or pleasure. This definition does not include people who harm either themselves or others in the name of happiness. First of all, if one harms another person either physically or mentally for no good reason and the other person is not consenting to it there is something really wrong with that picture. Normal people do not consent to being abused or hurt either physically or emotionally. In this case the person doing the hurting has a serious problem and their definition of happiness is definitely distorted to say the least. In this case the person who has an obvious problem needs immediate help either from a professional or a law enforcer. This is even more serious if the other party they are inflicting harm on is not a consenting adult. This person's behavior needs to be addressed immediately they are a danger under the guise of happiness.

 It is hard to exact the attributes of happiness because they are socially and culturally defined. Happiness is interpreted by people based on where they live in the world. An example would be going to the beach in some parts of the world and other parts going skiing. Despite location there are some universal characteristics of happiness. It is the Universal consensus that happiness is indeed premised on the idea of having positive emotions. The same positive emotion permeates the person beings and reflects in their life as such. Throughout the world people agree on these three things as the foundation of happiness; pleasure, engagement and having a life that is meaningful with purpose by their definition. It is a unanimous idea that we all need to feel pleasure, be engaged and interact with others and have a life that we feel is worthwhile to be happy.

When we think of relationships, we usually think of a relationship   that is based on what we consider to be love. Its these type of relationships that make us happy when we feel we are in a mutually loving relationship. To be happy in a relationship means that the relationship is working for both people in it. It also means that both parties have to work or do that little extra that it takes to make a relationship successful.

When we first meet someone if there is a spark and attraction it gives way to the possibility of a relationship. So we start to see the person and a relationship develops. It's fair to say that all relationships seem to be great in the beginning. We do what it takes to get the person fully interested in us hook line and sinker. We try to impress the person of our desire and are on our best behavior. But once we are in the relationship for a few months we don't feel like we need to impress the person any more. Our good behavior starts to fade. Familiarity starts in between the two people. They let their guarded behavior down and become closer as they get to know the real person each one is. It's now official they are a couple.

When the good behavior ends and the real selves surface so do the quirks and odd behaviors that each party has. In fact some of the behavior you once thought was cute and funny isn't anymore its now annoying. You are both at the point now in the relationship where familiarity breeds routine. This is where a relationship either maintains for the long haul or falls apart. You see the person as they really are and they you, and you decide if you really love this person enough to make it forever.

Always remember a successful relationship is based on two people working together. It won't work if one does all the giving and the other does all the taking. You have to know when to give and you have to know when to receive. Also both people have to have enough compatibility to make it work. If you are not compatible its like putting oil and water together they just won't gel no matter how hard you try to make it work.

One thing that is crucial along with respect and affection for each other is united vision. Even if some of your interests are different you both have to have the same idea on where you both want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. You have to be a team. Its thinking as a team of two that will make a relationship a successful one. If you both work together and are on the same wave length to make your relationship the best it can be for the both of you then it should be a successful one.